Sunday, August 21, 2011

Folic acid update and some thoughts about obligation

So, it's been roughly three weeks, I think. I ran out of pills yesterday so right now I'm at about 18 hours since I took the last one. More are coming but I didn't plan well.

Again, I don't have much to report. I suppose I do feel a little more up these days. I'm feeling generally optimistic about the future. I don't know. Trying to get a bead on how I'm feeling, or more precisely, if I'm really feeling better than I did is like trying to trying to see a distant star in the night sky. When you look directly at the fainter stars they disappear and when you look just to the side of them they reappear. How can I describe something that disappears when I try to focus on it? This is going to take time.

In a previous post, I said something along the lines of owing you guys an update. In a few of the comments and emails that you sent me, you guys made it clear that I don't owe you anything. Strictly speaking, you're right. I am the king of this little blog and I can do whatever the hell I want.

When I started this blog, I just wanted a quiet little corner of the interwebs where I could go and whine about my problems. I didn't really much plan for readers. Publishing it publicly was part of the reason that it was therapeutic for me. I was shouting into the universe and not exactly expecting it to answer.

Then it did. A readership, a very vocal one, started paying attention to me. I blog on a number of websites, a couple that are much bigger than this one. One of my sites gets thousands of visitors a day but this blog with 60-90 hits a day produces almost as much reader feedback. My reward for cutting myself open and bleeding a little on the web has been an unexpected support network in you. Faceless and often nameless but support none the less.

It's very gratifying to get notes of sympathy and support when I'm have a tough time. Knowing that I've touched you or even helped a little, as some of you have told me that I did, helps me immeasurably. I'm getting way more out of this than you are.

So, yes, I do owe you.


Melanie said...

I kinda felt the same way. I couldn't really pinpoint what was going on and then gradually I realized that I no longer felt like I had for so long. I felt "better".

I'm a horrible medicinal planner. I, too, have run out...on several occasions. Luckily, the methylfolate doesn't have any horrible side effect that make you feel horrible within hours like anti-depressants do. Hopefully it gets there soon.

Anonymous said...

Great job, man! Great blog! Keep it up! :)

Ariane said...

Thanks for sharing that with us. I'm glad that you've felt support from us your readers. We've felt the same from you. I look forward to future posts.

Mona Stott said...

Wow, thanks for sharing!

Sharon said...

Very interesting reading. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. You are helping people more than you could possibly know. keep up the great work :-)