Tried Prescriptions

I know. The original point of this blog was to chronicle my battle with depression without prescription drugs. Well, since we last spoke I broke down and tried a couple of prescription antidepressants. Let me tell you about that.

First, a few background details that may or may not be relevant and may or may not be further explored later. As you know, I’m not a big fan of prescription drugs. Obviously, they have their place but I think today’s western society overuses them. From antibiotics to emotional and mental medications, I think that patients and doctors alike are too quick to turn to them. This isn’t either parties’ fault, the system has simply been set up in such a way that there’s not enough time in the doctor/patient relationship to explore slower – even if more effective – solutions. Also, there’s the pharm industry… There are a lot of rabbit holes to fall down here. Point is, I’m more reluctant than the average patient to accept prescriptions. Let’s leave that there for the moment; maybe we’ll get into it later.

I may be a bit paranoid in this area. For a more balanced view of the issue of prescription drugs in the US, check out this article in the Washington Post from November 2015. It points out that, among other things, prescription drug use is up possibly due to increased advertisements and an aging population. Happily, it also mentioned a decrease in antibiotic use.

Second, my wife doesn’t necessarily agree with me on this.I’m not saying she’s trying to shove a pill down my throat every time I feel a little ouchy, but she’s seen antidepressants help people in her life before and she didn’t like to see how much I was suffering. Besides my natural proclivity to depression, having lost my job and my home left me in a pretty bad place. So, when I needed to get a prescription re-upped – heart thing, not gonna fight that one – she came along with me to the clinic to talk about these squishier issues.

The nurse practitioner we saw was compassionate and took the time to listen to my story. She patiently asked questions and encouraged me to tell her everything. It was painful. Anyway, after it was all said, she proscribed Prozac. Obviously I knew about the big P. It’s an old drug and I’ve heard a lot of people have been helped by it. After some convincing I decided to give it a try. (Not much convincing, mind you. When you’re as low as I was then it doesn’t take much.)

It was a disaster. I took the prescribed dose for three days. It shut me down. I mean it literally turned me off. I’ve told this to doctors since and, save one, I can see clear skepticism in their eyes. But that’s what happened. I stopped functioning. For a week I could only get out of bed to urinate or vomit. The rest of the time I slept all day and all night. I was in a black/grey fog. My arms and legs felt like great weights that were impossible for me to lift. Had it not been for my wife – then fiancé – keeping me hydrated I might not have come out of it. Dramatic, I know, but it was really that scary. Aside from a few auto and flying incidences, my lucid moments during this episode were some of the most terrifying I’ve encountered.

According to this study published in JAMA in June, 2018 "between 2005 and 2014, the estimated overall prevalence of US adults using medications with depression as a potential adverse effect was 37.2%.The adjusted percentage of adults with concurrent depression was higher among those using more concurrent medications (eg, estimated 15% for ≥3 medications)."

Obviously, I dropped the Prozac after this. The incident left me with a strange side effect. My left ear was completely plugged up. My right ear was, too, to a degree, but at least I could hear out of it. The left? Nothing. Strange, right?

Still Pursuing

It’s been a while…again.

A lot has changed in my life since I last published an honest post; although, to be honest, none of these posts are entirely honest. They may be more or less true chunks of my reality but to call them honest is probably a stretch.

But you already knew that, I’d wager.

Okay, to summarize: I lost my job, twice; I got divorced; I moved four(?) times; my car blew out its engine and the truck I bought to replace it was stolen a few weeks ago.

In other words, I now have legitimate real-life reasons to be depressed. No longer am I a guy with a chemical imbalance; I’m a guy with real problems and I honestly don’t know what to do about them.

For a while there St. John’s Wort was doing the trick. Regular doses kept my keel more or less even. When the ship started to list, however, it didn’t seem to be enough.

Well, hang on. There are a few positives I forgot to mention. Most significantly, a few months after the divorce I met a beautiful woman. We hit it off and got married way too soon, but we’re in our forties and we know what we want and what we’re doing. So far, so good. And, one of those moves I mentioned took me out of the backwater village that I endured for over 20 years for my ex to a proper city where I’m much happier.

Anyway, back to the listing ship. When I was laid off from my first job I started to slip. I managed to hang on for a bit but after about six months of job searching it got bad. I went to the doctor and, for the first time in my life I went on prescription antidepressants. Prozac, to be specific, and it was a disaster – wouldn’t be the last. It completely put me on my back. For a week I couldn’t wake up, much less get out of bed.

That’s where it started…again. Looking back, some of the best therapy I got was from writing this blog. Maybe it can help me again so I’m going to try to pick it back up. I know I’ve made a lot of vague allusions here. We’ll get into to some of them later. Some of them, I’m just going to let drift. You’re welcome to take the ride with me.