What is Friendship?

And what is love. I told you about my recent distress. Well, some of it. There are more details to it, some are too embarrassing to share even on an anonymous blog.

I mentioned my close friend who has given me support. I actually met her through this blog. She read a few posts and made some very thoughtful comments. I reached out to her personally and we’ve been friends since. This was years ago. We both struggle and occasionally lean on each other.

Well, I’ve leaned on her. To be honest, I can’t recall a time that she leaned on me. Shit.

Anyway, we have very different lives. I’ve never met her in person and I doubt I ever will. Despite that, she’s become an important person in my life. She understands chronic depression and she’s willing to listen to me.

I’m not sure if I have a point here.

You know I write this blog as a process of self-therapy, right?

I’ve lost a lot of friends. Mostly because I am not proud of where I am in life and I just pull away. I still have a few who know that I am sincerely trying and I love each one of them.

Maybe that’s my point. There really isn’t a difference between friendship and love. If I know that someone is a real friend then I won’t be ashamed to share my jokes, stories, failures, and pains with that person.

I tell these friends I love them. It’s almost always awkward, but I do. I feel like if I have someone in my life who is willing to listen to my bullshit and forgive my failings then they should know that someone loves them.