Thursday, May 26, 2011

Given up

So, it's been a few months.

I really haven't known what to do with this blog. It didn't serve it's purpose for me; I don't feel any better for maintaining it aside from the occasional email I get from a reader who finds something worthwhile in it.

I'm still heading down. I don't know how to stop it. But, someone might get something out of that so I'm going to try again to keep up with it.

Just saying that I'm back; I've succumbed to what seems to be a lifetime of miserable self-doubt and hate. But, I'll be telling you all about it.

That should be fun, right?

26 comments:

QuickPE said...

I want to say something encouraging, but...I know how there's very little that can pull me up when I'm down. I'll just say 'thank you' for providing what you have in this blog. It helps. I hope you can continue...you're not alone.

Brainwar said...

Im new to blogs , For me me the name PURSUIT of happiness speaks to me . I may not achieve lasting happiness but I can stay in pursuit of it . Thank you for sticking with it

Melissa Dawn Melnitzer said...

Hey there,
After sitting on my couch staring out the window for the last three days, I finally realized I was depressed again. Tonight I started surfing for depression blogs, found yours, and was moved. I felt less alone, which is saying a lot because I'm feeling pretty desperately isolated even though there are people who love me blahblahblah.

I also stopped blogging recently (used to do oprahandbeyond.blogspot.com and 15minutebeginnings.com, and just wrote a depressed epilogue at the former today), after finally deciding it wasn't helping me...I'm not sure I was right, and I do know it helped other people as I can see your blog has...I hope you will find a way to keep blogging...I think it does matter...and I hope I too can find a way to connect with words again one day...

Thank you for this, and take good care...
Melissa

itscomplicated said...

I want to say "Don't stop, it'll get better" but I know that I can't say that sincerely. If you think stopping the blog may help then stop. But remember that we're all here for you :) I might not comment all the time but in a strange way reading about someone going through something similar to me really helps, as does writing about it. Thank you for being there for me :)

Melanie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melanie said...

Keep fighting....KEEP fighting.

I, too, have been a long time sufferer of depression. The last 4 years have been horrible but I FINALLY have found myself on the other side.

There is HOPE. I PROMISE there is HOPE

Please don't give up. Don't EVER give up.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you dropped a note. I thought you'd given up on the blog. If you find it useful to write, then do it...I'll read it.

WhereIsMyMind said...

I just found your blog recently, shortly after finding out that all of my problems aren't just me failing at life, but a struggle with depression and anxiety. I have just started my first ever blog today to see if it can be of any help. Just wanted to let you know that your words have resonated deeply with me and you've inspired me to start my own journey.

Linda said...

I wish I could write to you personally. I'm looking or I'm trying to "reach out" while being "in the hole." I know nothing about blogs and I have no friends or family to bounce things on. I terminated my therapy and exchanged it for existentialism in my bed. Where can you talk to someone?

Lucas Yap said...

Hi, I'm a 17 year old and I suspect that I'm suffering from depression. I think its mild but I feel its still interfering with my life. I've got a MAJOR exam in 5 months and I am not prepared for it. This will practically determine my life. Yet I make no move as the days go past except to continue chilling out with friends, playing online games. I feel as if I'm trying to escape from this emptiness and lack of motivation I feel. Every so often I may suddenly get a burst of motivation when I think of famous photo journalist and working for Nat Geo, which I aspire a lot to. However, I sometimes doubt myself as to whether it is depression or laziness. Then again, guilt eats at me sometimes because I have done some things that I shouldn't have done. It's hard. No doubt. The more I learn about myself and my mistakes that I made, the more I feel resigned and wanting to give up. In fact I have tried giving up. I have thought of wishing I was dead and how much better it would be. But somehow I feel something inside me asking me to not give in. I find it even more depressing when I read your blog and how you look as if it has beaten you. I worry that my emotional health will continue deteriorating. However, for my sake and everyone else's I pray to god that I have the strength to pull true. To control my indulges like playing online games that makes me feel better. Or whether it maybe too little eating or over doing my exercises. Too much of anything is not good. My truest weapon that I can trust the most is my faith. I will not throw my hands up and give up. I will succeed.

Milli said...

i know during the dark days it feels like there is absolutely no point in life but keep going. Just dont shut the door on your blog just yet, it hasnt just helped all of those that leave a comment, but many more that read it casually too. like another user said: KEEP GOING!

Fighting depression said...

I came across your blog from a "Best Depression Blogs" post at findingoptimism.com. This was the first post I was greeted with.

I would like to say thank you for maintaining this blog. You don't seem to have obtained the goal you wanted out of writing it, but I just wanted to say thanks. And I sincerely hope this simply means you are simply redefining your goals and not giving up on life itself.

Anonymous said...

Hi im 18 year old male. Like you im suffering from depression too but I try not to let it get in my way. Its tough and there are days I feel like I cant go on any more but I still pull through it. Having negative toughts, feeling sorry for yourself isnt going to help you live a better life. There are many other people going trough much more than you, yes depression is a serious and hard thing to go through but you can fight it. Do things you love dont let anyone tell you you cant. I lost my mom, dad, two.brothers and a little sister in a car accident....I was the only one to make it alive but im learning how to live again, and I hope you can change and start living too. Sincerly Mike

4-Lorn said...

All I can do is put a virtual arm around you and share the same walk down into the pit. We can only have dwindling hope that someone will throw us a line....but it never happens and the damage is too excessive. I realize I am no comfort to you, but you're not alone. That's all I can express.

http://4-lorn.blogspot.com/

4-Lorn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

HI I just found this blog I have been living with this from of torture for 31 years,I have two kids 12&9 and no job we are down to our last $1.36 in the bank I started a new job today at$8.00 an hour and on my way home two tires blew on the car so now no new job.Been hitting the food pantrys for food but we can not get anymore till next month 1 rool of toilet paper no shampoo I felt like ending it all today but cried when my daughters cat cheered me up this pursuit of happiness I dont know if I can chace it but I have to try thanhs sal

SweetlyEm said...

http://www.findingthehope.blogspot.com/

You are very much not alone. Im right there with you.

Anonymous said...

I too suffer from depression and at times I feel as though it has taken over my life. One thing that hinders me from doing things is anxiety from the depression. How do you deal with the anxiety???

Depression Treatment Center said...

I have been there, and it's not the kind of roller coaster ride anyone enjoys! For many people, depression can be ever-present, which really makes it difficult to live fully and have those moments of joy everyone talks about. Because of my own experience, I work with others who struggle with depression and anxiety. I find that working with traditional and alternative therapies can be more helpful to integrating mind, body, and spirit.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, I'm afraid this will be a short post as am pretty tired after another emotionally draining day but just to say i only found your post tonight and it has been inspiring and thought-provoking. take some time out if you feel you need it...i wish you all the best...deeply and truly from a fellow sufferer...one day at a time x

beanie said...

you haven't updated your blog. Hope it means you're doing well.

Anonymous said...

to anonymous july 2 i take meds for my anxiety but it is getting better with time,i self talk to myself it relaxes me and gives me time to think

Theophilus said...

I blog about life issues including depression which I live with. I have found great encouragement in blogging about it. Just the other week I wrote a post that might be interesting to you about suffering and the hope that can be had in it.

http://psalmsinpurgatory.com/2011/06/20/suffering/

you might like it.

peace

frozensun said...

I have fallen into a neverending spiral of depression and anxiety. I quit my job a couple of months ago and now feel completely unmotivated to even find another, even though bills and everything else scary is quickly growing to an unmanageable size. I don't know how to snap out of it but it does help to know there's others out there like me.

Anonymous said...

So I know you say that it has done nothing for you but I want to let you know that you have helped others... you have helped me with my fight against depression and I want to thank you.

Anonymous said...

I totally, absolutely, completely know EXACTLY how you are feeling when you wrote this. That dark fog that comes across the horizon when you just DO NOT expect it. ALthough honestly something small or large could have triggered it, but you can't figure that out because you are too busy diving into the murky deep to frickin' save yourself, right??? *&^%$%