Thursday, June 14, 2007

What Does This Mean?

I had a dream two nights ago about a medical student who also happened to be a champion barbequer, or whatever the word would be. His ribs were his specialty and had never been bested in competition. People couldn’t figure out what he put in his dry rub but they knew that they liked his ribs.

Somehow, I became privy to his secret. At night he would steal the ribs from cadavers from the gross anatomy class but he was facing two problems. First, he was about to graduate and he was unsure where he could get ribs after he’d moved on from medical school. Second, his ribs were becoming more and more popular and he was having trouble keeping up with demand because removing the embalming fluids was a very delicate and labor intensive process.

So, what does this mean? What mysteries of my soul does this little dream unlock?

I doubt any other than the fact that I REALLY like ribs with dry rub (not too much salt) and if it does I’d rather not know what they are.

My approach to this depression thing is very simple. I don’t want to be depressed any more. I don’t care what started it. I don’t want to delve into my past and I certainly don’t want to participate in any rebirthing therapy sessions. I just want to feel better.

I am willing to do some self examination. It wouldn’t be possible to defeat depression without some reflection. Besides, it’s just a good thing. It’s good to know who I am and what I want. I just don’t want to become a self-absorbed naval-gazer who looks for meaning in everything.

Sometimes a cannibal is just a cannibal.

1 comment:

cassie said...

Hey Mr. T, don't be hating the "self-absorbed naval-gazer who looks for meaning in everything". In my understanding of things, we are all here with something to teach and something to learn. Unfortunately, that means by design some of us are wired to be philosophers by nature which in some peoples opinion is what you call a self-absorbed naval gazer who looks for meaning in everything.

Just saying.

THe probable reason you recoil from being just such a person is because that is probably what you need to learn. You may just want to feel better, but you have to do the work. You have to delve into why you are the way you are and deconstruct yourself. Know thyself brother. It is the only route I'm afraid. I totally get your mindset (I think so at this point anyway). Been there,done that. The more logical about this you are the longer it will take. Ie: I want to be fine, and I should be fine, and blah blah blah, and maybe if I self medicate with bourbon I can shut the emotional turmoil down. THe problem is you will need more and more bourbon to shut it down until you finally come to the realization that you have to unravel it all and feel it and work through it. Hey, it took me a loooooooong time to come to terms with the patheticness of this very predicament, but it is just the way it is. That is why therapy works from some people. They have a facilitator to the process. That is why AD drugs are so dangerous to some people. At a certain point you just have to go through it because you can't bury it or bypass it. I know it sucks. THe good news is literal rebirthing is not required.

Also, that is a heck of a dream. A nightmare actually. Are you watching all those creepy movies they are making these days that are designed to get into your brain and disturb you? I hope not. But if not, then this dream is just gross and makes me reflect on my occasional fear- how do we know the ribs in the store are pork ribs? I mean seriously? MAn, I have trust issues even at the grocery store. And at Chinese food kiosks. I can never eat those huge chunks of "chicken".