Tuesday, June 17, 2008


I ran out of SJW a few days ago and haven’t noticed a thing. But then I’ve been really busy. Sometimes it seems that if I just keep active then I don’t have the time to dwell on depressing thoughts.

I’m behind with work but that pretty typical for me. In fact I shouldn’t be writing this right now – I have way too much paid writing that I need to do but I’m very distracted right now.

Two reasons:
1) I recently noticed a gig for which I’m particularly qualified. Its main draw is that it is quite different from most of the work I do all day so it will be a break from my normal routine. That and another job means more money and I always need that. So I contacted them yesterday and I can’t focus on anything because I keep checking my inbox. This is unusual. I work for so many people and am always signing up for more work so this process is really rather routine. I’m not sure why this job is sitting larger in my mind than most.
2) I have to get my pictures made tomorrow. I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I hate looking at myself. I don’t think I’m an attractive person and I’ve gained a lot of weight. Add that to a big steaming pile of social anxiety and you get a lot of second guessing and self loathing. I have to get the pictures made because I’m at the point in my career that I need a site about me. (ugh!) My writing is all over the Internet and I’m starting to lecture. I need a spot where everything is drawn together so editors and event organizers can see the whole package.

So I’m not getting any work done because these things are keeping me anxious and distracted. But at least I don’t have time to for depression. I can feel it waiting in the wings, though. No doubt as soon as things slow back down it will come swooping in.

OK, I’m off to order more SJW.