Saturday, November 3, 2012

Following up...

This isn't a real post, just a follow up on the last one. That post was incredibly cathartic for me. Writing it was the last time I wept uncontrollably over the situation. I've squished out a few tears since but nothing like before. Clearly, I was angry at my wife over the situation and I still think that we had other options. But, that's in the past and I have to balance that against everything else. Dan Savage, who I think is incredibly wise in these things, talks about the price of admission. That is those things about your mate that you overlook or just get past in order to maintain the relationship. This has to be one of those for me. I'm not an easy person. But, I've found a person who is easy with me. I need to accept this price of admission. Actually, things have improved for me since I posted that last entry. Like I said, it was cathartic for me. My relationship with my wife has improved and I feel our bond is strengthening. Death happens. Life sucks.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

And so it goes.

Glad to see this follow-up.

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Anonymous said...

Personally, I think the price of admission you are paying is way too high. I was horrified and distressed by this story. A cat was killed because it had fleas?! I wouldn't want a relationship with the type of person capable of doing this. No wonder you feel uncomfortable about the situation - trust yourself - you are trying to accommodate yourself to a relationship that appears to go against your basic values and world view. This can't be done without taking a major psychological toll on your mental health. I really wish you well. I know this sounds harsh but you've invited comments and I have to call it as I see it. Take care and trust your feelings - they never lie.

Anonymous said...

hey, how are things going?
wish you would post an update.
things are not going well on this side of the world, and as pathetic as it sounds, reading your writing makes things less so. it makes me feel less alone.

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Raven's Haven said...

Those of us who live too much inside our heads wish you well...you made a rational decision about your cat friend. I think you made a sacrificial offering of love to your wife; although, I doubt I could have done the same. It was a high price to pay. Hope you will drop by my new blog sometime. Best wishes.

jack said...

hang in there, things can be hard but they never stay hard..

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Brian M said...

Glad to hear things have improved since the last post. Chin up :)

Brian said...

Sounds pretty rough. Stay strong!

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Any updates?

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David said...

It is nice that everything is starting to become better with your relationship. This is the time when views start to become different and you need to talk about things so in the future, such incident will not happen again. Respect and communication is very important and you and your partner must learn how to deal with the problems while respecting the beliefs or views of one another.

Jessy said...

I love Dan Savage

Anonymous said...

So, I've never read a blog before. I gotta tell you, maybe your wife is a farm girl. We put down what doesn't serve us. It's survival of the fittest at my place. Before I married my new husband, it was taking care of the kids that was important. Money spent on vet bills was not in the budget! You have lots of anger issues. As a new wife, if I'm on HIS side of the bed, it's because I want to be noticed, and held. I wish you well. I hope you find the magic bullet you are looking for!

Fritz said...

You know, I have similar issues I believe with my wife.

I try to be the nice guy and go along with too many things to my detriment. I am working on it with a psychotherapist who recommended two great books- the Disease to Please and The assertiveness workbook.

I think if you look at these books they will help you.

Don't let matters get worse, please get help and help yourself.

You are a kind and caring man in a world that needs more kind and caring men.

Good luck!
Fritz

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