I am constantly and deeply touched by the thoughtful comments and emails that you send my way. Frankly, I think that this blog should be no more than annoying to anyone who doesn’t live inside my head. So, when you read it and give it enough thought to respond with advice or words of encouragement, I’m filled with gratitude.
Although I read every response, I rarely reply. Most of the time there’s nothing to say. I’ve said my bit; you said yours and we move on. I hope that you’re not offended or distressed by this.
Anyway, that’s all I had to say this time around. After that post I published last night, I popped on to check my email. I had a surprising number of emails and post comments so I thought that a blanket statement would be apropos. Thanks, everyone, for caring and I wish you all the very best on each of your journeys.
And now this blog will return to its regular programming. Coming up: more whining, self-loathing and avoiding the obvious. Stay tuned!
6 comments:
Mr. TPOH! Ray!!! :)!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, I tried the SJW for the first time the day before yesterday, and last night, for the first time in over a decade,I just had to go to bed at around 2 am which is a huge miracle for me. For the past year I have been going to bed at 6 am unless I take a sleeping pill and it has wreaked havoc on me and my self esteem (which is not the best to begin with). It complicates so much in my life and you want to talk sabout self loathing? Yikes. And it also means I don't get a lot of sunshine/vitamin D. So I actually slept for over 8 hours for the first time in 16 years, and I think it might have been the SJW which is so shocking because how the heck could it work that fast? I hope it is SJW and now I will keep on seeing if it affects me positively for a while. The trick is remembering to take it. Also, since you don't read old comments, I am new to your blog and only started reading it last week, but something you said in an old one also made me go stand out in the sunshine twice! (which I mentioned in on that comments section but am re-mentioning it since you don't go back) So here I am having good things come from your blog (SJW, sunshine, laughter at your dry humour and also a real hoot over MArc MAron!) and then suddenly worried you were, you know. So I'm so happy you're there.
JUst an FYI, you can go from drinking heavily for a long time to suddenly not drinking and caring little about alcohol without therapy. I don't need to tell you it is not good for your body and lessens your ability to deal in the big picture but then writers get more of a free pass with (oops, ran out of space...see part two of this comment below)
....these things so you can chalk it up to "hemingway syndrome" and leave it at that- except your probably much much less of an a-hole, haha. Anyway. You don't sound like an alcoholic but like you are self medicating/numbing and for that reason do not ever take anti-depressants until you stop drinking. I mean I don't think meds are the answer for some(my own distrust about them is off the charts), working through your stuff is the key. You cannot under any circumstances combine the two and hope for a positive outcome. I hear some people say therapy with the right therapist is great so good luck with that. I once had an older man (around 70-75) as a therapist and he was the nicest person, great conversations etc, but he would nod off near the end of our session if it was in the afternoon (I am not a morning person)and I would say outlandish things to see if he was listening and he would be saying "uh-huh yes" and then with the nodding off a bit. It was very funny but as I have trust issues to begin with, do you think I would ever trust someone who was falling asleep while I was sharing my deep troubles? Yeah right. Make sure you get someone who is good Ray! Re: your wife, you have to give her time. Like all married people, you don't really know what you're getting into in the beginning but you are both on a journey of learning something about yourselves and... I don't know, long story short, don't put pressure on yourself for not living up to perfection and also, think of her with compassion because she doesn't understand your wiring. Luckily, in a way, right? You can love someone/something and be irritated to hell by them. SHe has hung in with you this long but like dealing with anyone who is sick in any way, it is exhausting. Maybe surprise the heck out of her and plan something nice. Please? Like just take her for a walk in a beautiful setting and tell her you know it isn't easy for her... well you are the writer so you can come up with something good but just please throw her a line. Not that I know your situation but I'm rooting for you guys.
You know, it is really amazing that you can write and focus etc and you really need to know how impressive that is in your state of mind. And you are not a mean and dark person in spite of it all so you really need to pat yourself on the back for that. It is so much bigger an accomplishment than you realize! You have reminded me about that when it comes to myself too. Thanks!
Have a great day!
PS. Sorry my comments are so long.
Clarification: I do read every comment whether it is on an old post or not. I don't usually read my old posts; I do read the comments on them.
After years of dealing with depression, I began having more and more thoughts about not living anymore. Not quite suicidal, but closer than I wanted to be. This was while I was on mild anti-depressants. I finally went to a counselor because the bad thoughts kept coming and my life was falling apart. She suggested I see a psychiatrist to get more specialized help with my meds. It was the best thing I've ever done. It's still not easy, but it's so much better. It's also been easier for me to actually do some of those "self-help" things that help too. I still hate that I have to take drugs just to keep my head balanced, but life is so much better, that it's worth it. Like I said, it's still not perfect, but I spend most of my days out of the pit now. So even though you may not want to take drugs, I highly recommend them. Hopefully you'll have mental health coverage now. Good luck, and congrats on your book deal!
Carrie
I like your sense of humor here.
Happiness is a subjective phenomenon. The pursuit of happiness in the United States, logically should be a defense is the defense of this subjectivity, as it was clearly intended to be. We have armies of cops and lawyers and goons and lobbyists trying to dictate what happiness is to us. You cannot tell someone what makes them happy. Either realize this, and spread the word - or remove "the pursuit of happiness" from our founding fathers documents by due process. I will not tolerate one more law that intrudes on my self, mind or home. Time for BLOOD says Jefferson.
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