Saturday, June 27, 2009

Darkness envelopes

There’s a part of me – a big part of me – that wants to burn all of this. I once had passion; I once had a grasp on what there is and what there isn’t. Or at least I think I did. And I think that I will get there again. But for now, there’s just what I have in front of me. And that’s not much. It never has been.


michelle said...

You will get there again. Don't burn this or delete it or lose sight of how great it is. Take a break from it if things demand your time more. Come back when you are ready. I can't tell you how many blogs I have started and stopped and deleted and retreived over the years when I was depressed.

Our writing or the absence of it is telling in the story of our lives -both the good and the bad.

Ray said...

Thanks Michelle. No worries about this blog. I'm not at all shy about letting it sit for months without an update. I was speaking more generally about all the stuff we all struggle with from day to day. iow, I was talking about suicide. It really helped to write and post this little bit in that moment. That's how life is sometimes - moment by moment.

Lex said...

Hello there:

I’ve been reading up on your last couple posts and couldn’t find the exact right place to post this response, so I just went with the most recent post. I notice you seem to be taking a natural approach to curing depression; I was curious as to whether you have tried any meditative techniques? The only reason I ask is I am currently researching with a recovery-based clinic, and have heard just absolutely astonishing results without medication via 1) meditation (non-denomination meditation, practiced routinely), 2) yoga (another form of meditation), 3) ample exercise, and 4) a change to more healthy nutrition. I am rather new to reading your postings but I thought, since you are quite articulate, that I might ask your take on something? It’s a bit off-subject, but I thought perhaps it might interest you enough to get a good conversation going.

I was wondering what your opinion on the new recovery movement hitting the mental healthcare field has been, especially in relation to depression-based treatment plans? Did you take on a natural approach due to a bad experience in a traditional clinic, or did you start with an all-natural approach? Have you encountered a recovery-based treatment vs. a non-recovery-based treatment plan? I would very much like to hear what you feel the difference is, or if you haven’t had the chance to compare, perhaps just a comment as to what you feel about the movement in general.

If you are not overly familiar with the movement, there are a few pretty informative articles about it at:
1) What is Mental Health Recovery
2) Mental Health Recovery Model

If you wouldn’t mind, if you have the time to respond I would very much love to quote you in my blog about the recovery movement, the Mental Health Recovery Blog. I will of course reference back to you in the posting but if you are not comfortable with being quoted then I’d love to just hear your take here! I would very much value your opinion considering I am trying to get inputs from all sides of the mental healthcare field (practitioners, consumers, advocates, family members, etc.). Also if your interested I am submitting for publication several articles on natural ways to stay healthy that I could shoot a link to you should they get published!

I look forward to talking with you more in the future if this sparks your interest!

All the best,
MHCD Research and Evaluations

Ray said...

Hi Lex,

Thanks for contacting me; I'll be glad to work with you on your project. I may have overlooked it but I can't find an email address in your message. Please send me an email at


Lex said...

Hey Ray:

My bad! As per your request I emailed you, but I also would like to throw this out to anyone who would like to discuss recovery further, you can reach me at or you can reach me on my recover blog at Mental Health Recovery.

My bad on not leaving a spot to get back to me! My most sincere appologies! :(

I look forward to speaking more with you on the recovery model!!

Warm regards,

malahide said...

I was a sufferer for a long time due to a serious car accident which nearly took my life. In our support group we had four returned soldiers or should I say 'Retrenched Soldiers' as they were serious sufferers and one of them was very suicidal. I was lucky to have been introduced to this terrific workbook. It is called My PTSD Workbook and I purchased it from and I have to say I was feeling ‘different’ from the first ten pages. Today I HAVE MY LIFE BACK thanks to that book - now I tell everyone about it when they come to the support group. Three of the four soldiers in our group are feeling fabulous within themselves and one of the wifes is so thankful she now is councelling newcomers to the centre. She tells everyone to buy the book.
You should contact the writer of the book GK Talbott and put it on your site.
I Love your site and the friendly feeling it has.


Charles Bivona said...

I hear you, brother. I'm there, too. All I can think to do is write it all out, so I do. It helps. It’s healing. I am forgiving the past for its failings. I am forgiving myself, slowly, for my own.

I am finally speaking, repeating it all — one horrifying flash at a time — remembering and working through.

Please be well.

Therapy4help said...

Light therapy reveals its effectiveness in numerous cases, and helps to quickly find energy when a lower morale lets us feel the changes in the seasons.

Aiping Wang said...

Thanks about it.